Oscar Fever: Boils and Nausea!

dearest Readers,

if you're like me you ingested that foul concoction on Sunday evening known as America's Elegance Pageant, aka Glory Hole Time, aka The Oscars. This is a time when the famous and attractive and famously attractive don elegant flowing robes and celebrate cinema and themselves and their excellent plastic surgeries with a long booming ecstatic celebration party.

Now I have no beef with the red-carpet coverage (except that it could/should be an hour or three longer) and no beef with the red-carpet hostess duties served nimbly and ably by one Kathy Ireland who employed grace as she held her body at curious angles all evening long and shouted enthusastically at her interviewees, and I have no beef with the charm and elegant double-team of Mssrs Martin and Baldwin as they wove a sonic tapestry of extremely funny jokes and pierced the parts of my heart that had previously lain un-penetrated.

No, none of these things bothered me.

So, I imagine you're asking, what then Taffy, is your beef? Reader, the answer is coming.

Here it is:

There were zero, count them, zero (ie donut hole, ie 'the big abyss', ie nothing, ie not one) award nominations for what you'll agree with me is probably the year's best film, if not the decade's , an soul-shattering and heart-blistering, sweet and tender little gem entitled "Did You Hear About The Morgans?" whose title could be directed at Academy voters but w/ a slight addenda to make it more of a probing inquiry so it goes something like this "Hey, you nearsighted and selfish Academy voter: Did You Effing Hear About "Did You Hear About The Morgans!" Or were you too busy congratulating yourself on tiny movies nobody cares about!!!" I mean really: Precious? (an inner-city story about inner-city problems like drugs and rape? Yawn!) Up? (an old person dies and goes ballooning? Pass)! The Hurt Locker? (wartime and bombs? kind of a bummer isn't it?! ie, who cares!)?! Up in the Air? (George Clooney has sex in airplanes with minors?!) Is this the best Hollywood could do?

If you're like me you were slightly mollified by the inclusion of Transformers 2: Rise of the Machinist in the sound editing effects category (runner-up for most amazing movie of the year!)

But no plug of any breadth or girth can fill the gaping orifice that is left behind by the not-recognition of SJP as Best Actress (who btw can act effing circles around Sandy Bullcock!) and DYHATM as Best Picture, Best Screenplay, Best Score, Best Everthing, Best Tonic For What Ails Ye! You blew it Academy voters! You effing blew it!!