Dear sweet and buttery blog reading audience, can you believe the depths and intensities that this thing - life, that is - can grow and expand to? Sort of like a giant blimp that gets bigger, encompassing more and more hot air. Oh, bliss!
When I left you last I was informing you about my meeting at the Lakeshore Mall with Dr. Albert Tubman, aka my Life Coach. We had a grand and glorious day of walking and observing, looking at storefront displays, sharing ice cream samples etc. The day ended with me giving Dr. Tubman a ride to a local 7/11 where he was set to meet another client. Can I tell you that a pang of jealousy shot through my trunk and arms when I heard this. But I talked myself down, realizing: he is a Doctor with many patients of which I am one of them. He provided me with some homework: cataloguing my darkest fears with aims to confront them, making a list of what I want out of life, and researching dock fees at local marinas. (note: I am still not sure what the last one has to do with me but I have full faith in the good Doc's methods. He teaches thru metaphors the way another doctor might teach through hands on guidance or, for example, dirty language or something. Point being, I trust Tubman with the fullest heart I can muster!!).
It's funny how once you begin to make changes in your life, the rest of the parts of your life will change along with it. For instance: I was at the laundromat across from the Apartments on Sunday and I saw Ron Mealeman again (or "Fat Ron", as he prefers) and you may recall that he was a man that used to annoy me but I found that he did not. He was at the back pulling his clothes out of the dryer and laying them on that rolly-cart thing and I walked right up to him and said: "Glorious day Fat Ron!"
He looked at me and said: "I guess. What's your name again? Butterscotch?"
"Ha!" I said. "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! No it is not Butterscotch."
There was a long pause.
He looked at me and said
"um, okay. So what is it?"
I took a deep breath, like a man drinking from a soda fountain after he's been in the dessert for weeks, and then I said: "Taffy Mothereffin' McKittrick!!"
