Friends,
the glorious shimmer of the white-hot winter Olympics is blazing in my heart!! Everywhere there are bodies hurtling through half-pipes, slaloming down bunny slopes, twirling in triple-axle fantasy-lands in amazing looking stretch pants! My body trembles and my heart explodes! Last night I dreamt that I was taking part in the festivities. I was rink-side, cheering my best mate Johnny Weir on. He was wearing a large doily with a pink ribbon tied across the waist, making him look much like a hyper-masculine french maid. He skated vigorously and was sweating profusely like a lean water buffalo and then he won the gold medal! Afterwards, he got on the podium and said "I could not have gotten this far without my main man, my shining beacon, my vibrant sunburst: Taffy McKittrick!" (!). Afterwards we both hugged and went out boozing and whoring on the streets of Vancouver!! We drank a lot of drinks and met a lot of nice people but none of them were good enough for us so we left them alone. At the end of the night Johnny patted me firmly on the shoulder and said, in his tender dulcet tones: "Whatta you say we skate awhile Taffy"? and so he and I put on matching outfits and went out onto the rink. And we spun. And spun. And spun. Until I was gooey with bliss, like so much spun-honey!! Oh, this life!!
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